Tuesday, March 14, 2006

California State Legislature Wins the Nobel Prize in Physics – 120 Lawmakers to Travel to Stockholm to Collect the Prize

SACRAMENTO -- On March 13, 2006, the California State Legislature made a historic breakthrough in understanding how to manipulate the time-space continuum, shaking the very foundation of physics to its nucleus when they discovered time travel.

Eschewing their merely political role, the Sacramento lawmakers realized that they could apply their lawmaking power to anything, including the so-called laws of physics. This revelation quickly resulted in a bill mandating time travel for the upcoming June election.

The time travel bill accompanied what was once Governor Schwarzenegger’s roads, levees and schools “build-it” bond bill. The governor’s bond bill, transmogrified beyond recognition in the Capitol basement, needed time travel so as not to be in violation of the constitutional single subject rule. The time travel bill was designed to amend the state constitution just before actually being approved by the voters in the June election – in effect, traveling backwards in time after being approved to legalize its companion bond measure.

The astounding bill was the fruit of the pols’ intense, late-night work in their secret basement laboratory of democracy.

“As just an amateur physicist, my colleagues impressed the heck out of me,” said Assemblyman Chuck DeVore (R-Irvine), “Who knew? Although I should have realized that time travel is child’s play for a body that so routinely changes the laws of nature.”

With time travel conquered, California’s Democrats are now planning on tackling the issue of teleportation. With this power, they can switch the capitals of Sacramento and Washington, D.C. to assume the majority in Congress that has eluded them for the past 12 years.

“As soon as we get back from Stockholm to claim our prize we’ll pass the teleportation bill switching out Sacramento with Washington,” said an unnamed Democrat lawmaker, “Washington’s weather sucks a little worse than Sacramento’s, but hey, without term limits, I think I could stand it.”


Note: This satire was inspired by true events in Sacramento. The “time travel” bill is real and was designed to amend the state constitution to legalize a multiple subject bond and prevent constitutional challenges against it from succeeding.

All the best,

Chuck DeVore, State Assemblyman, 70th District